You’re not always going to be inspired.
Sometimes you’re going to be tired. Or stressed. Or angry. Or afraid. Or unsure.
Sometimes you will be in conflict and there won’t be an easy solution. Sometimes you’ll be in transition and there’s no quick fix. Sometimes there will be a question and you won’t have the answer.
The bad news is that sometimes things suck and there’s nothing you can do to make the suckiness go away. This good news is that you don’t need to. Confusion and uncertainty are necessary precursors to gaining clarity.
It’s human nature to want immediate answers to everything. Believe me, I understand. I don’t do well with uncertainty. If there’s something in the air I want to grab it and bring it down to earth.
A month ago my boyfriend was in a motorcycle accident, and it was shitty and stressful and painful – even more so because I didn’t have control of the situation and because so many things were up in the air. But then he got better (much better, by the way- he’s almost at 100%), his medical bills were barely anything, and he might get a settlement from the insurance company (keeping my fingers crossed for enough to fulfill the Nicaragua dream).
Then yesterday my boyfriend and I got in an argument, and it was shitty and stressful and painful because I love him and hate arguing and wasn’t sure if who was wrong or right or if I was being petty or dramatic. But then we talked it out and even though I still don’t know if I handled it right, it doesn’t matter because just the process or talking helped us understand each other a little better.
Almost my whole intern year last year was shitty and stressful and painful and made me regret my decision to go into medicine on a regular basis. But then I started my 2nd year with a whole batch of new interns below me and realized how much I’ve actually learned over the past year, and appreciate the power I have to do good for a lot of people.
So if you accept that life is going to suck sometimes, you can start taking steps to help yourself grow from uncertainty rather than suffer from it:
Relax into it. The way to deal with uncertainty is actually the same way as how to deal with pain. You relax into it. It’s counterintuitive, because all you want to do when things are uncertain is to become rigid and judgmental and grasp at answers. The problem is that the answers aren’t ready to emerge yet, and struggling is only going to make things worse during the process. So relax into the uncertainty- literally. Feel the tension in your muscles and let it go. Feel your mind churning and overanalyzing and slow it down. Your ego may resist because you’re afraid that reducing your effort will make you stagnate, but the opposite is actually the case. The more you relax the more you let clarity come to you.
Take a step back. You may be so tied up in the problem that you can’t see all the possible solutions. You may be so stuck on finding an answer right away that you’re not giving enough space for the answer to develop. Take a step back and imagine the situation from a broader perspective. Is it possible that what’s bothering you won’t be such a big deal in a couple of days, or weeks, or months? It is possible that the solution may work itself out during that time without your effort?
Learn from it. Challenging situations and difficult people are your opportunities to learn something important about yourself. Maybe the uncertain situation you’re worried about is a chance for you to practice patience or acceptance. Imagine that there is a greater purpose to the challenge you’re facing, such as to learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and intention in the face of difficulty.
Appreciate it. Life is boring when things are good all the time. Trust me, people who have it good all the time don’t appreciate it. It’s people who have occasional shitty times who appreciate the good. So appreciate the difficulties because when the situation you’re worried about works out you’ll enjoy it that much more.
When life slaps me in the face it makes me feel like I’m alive. Literally. It makes me feel alive, like I am a human being and I can do shit that is awesome. It’s almost invigorating in this weird way. It helps me not take all the good things for granted. It makes me want to take advantage of every second to do or think something positive.
When you don’t know the answer, you don’t need to rush to find it. Relax into the uncertainty, take a step back to gain some perspective, learn from it, and appreciate that you’re alive and have downs that help you enjoy the ups even more.
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Image by Helga
Kelly says
Great post Elana. You know, it really is easy to look back and see all the crappy things that have happened, and yet all those things can be blessings if you want them to be. Also, really glad to hear those medical bills didn’t end up so bad and that Peter is almost 100% now, crazy! š You have a really great process for dealing with those crazy emotions, I actually felt more relaxed just reading your points.
Elana says
Thanks Kelly! I know, I was super happy (and suprised) to see how low Peter’s medical bills were… I guess that’s what County hospitals are for! It may seem like I deal with negative emotions well, but I think I just fake it and then write/reflect on it decently :-).
Joyce says
Hello! I’m glad Peter is doing better and the bills weren’t too bad! Good job for going through that. Thank you for another encouraging post!! “When life slaps me in the face it makes me feel like Iām alive.” <–:) yes. like I always try to say things are 'character building." Example: Step 1 was…character-building š I am sure I will say that about intern year.
Elana says
Yeah I definitely got a few slaps in the face from intern year! It all goes toward making you stronger, though. And it helps me appreciate how things are better now as an R2!
Anand Singh says
Elana, I never do this but I must say, your writing in this blog serves as a testament to the claim: “the unexamined life is not worth living” by the big man…Socrates. You are incredibly intuitive and seem to have constructed a life driven by purpose by searching for meaning. I can only hope to do the same with my own life. I am intrigued and impressed by just about everything you write so please continue to share your wisdom.
-A
Elana says
Hey Anand, thanks so much for your flattering comment! Glad you enjoy my writing and that it connected with you :-).
Antoinette Di Ciaccio says
I must agree with Anand. I just discovered you through Origin mag’s website and have only read a few things but wow. Thank you! You are a beautiful, real, person. I look forward to getting to know you and your writing.
I’m sorry about your cancer diagnosis. I’m a year from my breast cancer diagnosis and a few months past my treatments. It sucked.and it rocked…in a good way. I dare say, it’s made me more courageous and open. I wouldn’t change it! That’s right. I can’t believe I’m saying this. Now you….You are already inspiring, even when you are honest about the doubts, worries, fears. I appreciate that you aren’t automatically out there “rocking the bald look.” I fucking hate it when people tell you about so and so who “doesn’t care what others think.” Thanks for taking your time revealing yourself, if you do at all. It just doesn’t matter if you go naked or wigged or anything in between. Just have fun with it. Wigs were kinda fun for me but I’m past those now. Best of everything to you! Keep being who you are, as you are.
Jan says
I like your approach. I would like to add that it is perfectly okay to not know the answer whether it is an interpersonal or medical problem. Again and again I have heard the Dalai Lama say,” I don’t know.” ,when he is asked a question to which someone expects he will have the answer . It is the place of mystery where great inquiry begins, and it represents a humility necessary for learning. We are living in a fake it ’til you make it society. That approach is a house of cards which causes the player a great deal of anxiety and insecurity and given time will all fall down.
Marjie says
This is exactly what I needed right now. Elana, I love your blog. I am learning so much and really enjoying it! Your writing is honest and real and beautiful. Thank you for sharing so much with us.