Hi everyone!
I’m sorry for the delay in writing and wanted to start by saying how much I’ve appreciated all your kind words of encouragement in the last few months. I’ve gotten many emails and comments from people checking in and wondering how I’m doing, and it means so much to me to have so many positive thoughts sent my way.
I finished the end of the intensive rounds of chemo a few weeks ago and am getting settled into maintenance, which, unfortunately has been more physically challenging than I was hoping it would be (we’ll get to that in a bit). Fortunately, though, the worst seems to be behind me and small signs of progress are becoming apparent.
My hair is even starting to grow back, although the new look makes me remember why I’ve never worn it short in the past. As my hair is very thick and wavy, it looks less like the cute pixie I had been looking forward to and more like a dark brown puff of cotton sticking straight out in every direction. And that’s after 20 minutes of blow-drying and hair product application. How long does hair need to be before one can get extensions, anyway?
Oh, and a question for the young men out there—I know guys tend to prefer long hair, but can I make this short hair thing work for me on my match.com profile (assuming I can get those hairs to grow in the proper direction)?
Looking at me, you would no longer guess I was sick. My color has come back, my body has regained its womanly curve (rather than resembling Sponge Bob Square Pants), I stand up straight when I walk, and I have two inches of cotton-puff hair that’s growing out a little bit more each day. Progress is progress!
Inside, though, I still feel frustratingly distant from my former self.
A few weeks ago I joined an exercise program at the YMCA for cancer patients working to recover from muscle weakness and atrophy caused by treatment. On the first day, I walked into the room feeling confident. I looked to be the only person there with any sort of athletic background and was younger than the average participant by several decades. But then we had to do something I really do not like doing, which was sit in a circle, identify myself as a “cancer survivor,” and tell my “cancer story” to a group of strangers.
(There’s nothing wrong with the term “cancer survivor” — I, personally, just don’t identify with that label).
I kept it brief and presented the facts. I’m 32. I was diagnosed with ALL a little over a year ago. I’m a year through a three-year chemotherapy regimen. I’m here to get my ass back into shape.
I looked over to the next person in the group, but my turn was apparently not over. Hearing that I still had two shitty years of chemo left lead several people in the room to audibly gasp, and the rest seemed to look at me with pity.
The leader, in what was perhaps not his greatest moment of empathy, continued to ask me painfully dragged out follow up questions, and having a dozen people who were older, and I would have assumed sicker, than I was look at me like they felt sorry for me was more than I could handle. I bumbled out a brief answer and then quickly excused myself from the room. I wandered around the bottom floor of the YCMA, hoping to find a bathroom stall before anyone could notice the tears welling up in my eyes.
It’s hard to still be seen as “that poor girl who has cancer,” and it’s even harder to feel I am her. I used up all my energy to make it through the most obvious challenge—kicking that cancer into remission and finishing a year of intensive treatment—only to look up and see there’s another mountain in front of me, one I feel too drained to climb. How can I make it through two more years off this bullshit? When will I get any semblance of my normal life back? When can I move forward to a better life?
I’m at a cross in the road. Behind me is the pain of this last year, which I will happily leave behind. To my left is a path of delusion, where I continue to tell myself that everything is fine and that, sure, I’ll be able to live a completely normal life while four different chemo drugs are being pumped into my body on a daily basis.
To my right is a path that doesn’t look so inviting, but looks more like the truth. The truth tells me I still have two really hard years ahead of me, and that no amount of well-intentioned reassurances coming from myself or anyone else is going to change that.
I probably will not be able to work as much as I could before. Some of my entrepreneurial and writing goals may have to sit by the sidelines for the time being. My weekends will more likely be spent recovering from the week than seeking out new adventures or the biggest waves to surf. And when I see my friends getting married, having children, and starting their families, I will feel so happy to share in their joy, but my heart will hurt knowing that even if my fertility is intact (which I have every hope and confidence it will be), I can not try to get pregnant until I’m almost 35, when the last remnants of maintenance chemo will hopefully have been processed from my body.
But what am I to do? I said it a year ago when I was diagnosed, and I will say it again now. I want to live. And I don’t want to just live, I want to be awake, to open my soul and spirit to the entirety of my life experiences, both the beautiful and the sad.
Hey Elana, so good to hear from you. I have thought of you many times over the past few months. I’m glad to hear of “small signs of progress.” Hope all works out at the “Y”. I have been so lazy with exercising…hearing that YOU are exercising….well, I’m a horses ass for not going. You are strong, brave and beautiful. I look forward to hearing from you, until then,
Peace out,
Patti
Great job! Thanks for sharing. You are an inspiration.
Hi Elana
it is wonderful to hear from you.
Thank you for posting.
Your post resonates with me.
I have NHL and completed RCHOP last year. I felt like I have been living in a cancer bubble. On my last cycle I ended up with infection and in hospital for 2 weeks and had an svt whilst in there.
I had great PET results and the 2nd wave hit. Wham!
I was physically a mess with muscle wastage etc……
It has taken 3 months for me to gain strength and I still have hoarse voice etc…
After weeks of anxiety and a panic attack leaving for oncology I am now back in the saddle with 2 years of 3 monthly infusion of Rituxamab.
yesterday was my first day back at work and Im dont want to go back. It was too soon.
Your E book has been my saving grace, thank you so very much. I cannot put into words the difference it has made.
Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I feel like I am not on this journey alone when I read your posts.
Blessings to you from Australia
hugs (())
Jules
Often times I have wanted to post a comment to you but the words I come up with seem so inadequate. I honestly am in awe of your strength and honesty. I’ve had a number of loved ones survive and not survive cancer….it is an ugly, bitchy diagnosis. But, I know I and the others who follow you send you many many positive thoughts and prayers to LIVE and be YOU! I think of you often and wish you all of the beauty of the world!
I have wondered how you were doing. It is nice to hear your voice again. You have such a gift with words and express yourself beautifully. Cancer and cancer treatment sucks. I am very sorry that you have 2 years left and do hope that with each passing day you feel a little (or a lot) more like yourself.
So good yo hear from you. From your beautiful writing it seems evident they you are very much living your life fully and in the moment. Good or bad, beautiful or sad, you are living it outloud. And we, who have been following your journey are the better for it. Thank you for sharing this with us. You continue to teach us.
Beaming you peaceful healing love.
Elena- it is so good to hear from you again. Your courage and strength are a beacon to many. I am so sorry to hear of your experience at the Y – lack of emotional intelligence on the part of the leader is disappointing. What I do know about you is that you have much to give to this world yet, life to live and love to receive. Thank you for sharing and for being willing to be vulnerable as you walk your path.
I look forward to hearing from you again.
Sending you positive thoughts and lots of love.
Carol
Elana, you just have to live your life chemo and all. If other people have to gasp and react to that, its ok. Maybe they don’t need it to live, but you do. We all have to do whatever we have to, whenever we can do it. I wish your path could have been different, but then I am glad it is as good as it is, because you are still here and growing brown cotton puff!!! And 35 is not too old to have a baby because I was 43 when I had my daughter.
Those group cancer things where everyone tells their story, I wish they could just let people say, “yeah I had cancer but I am working on getting rid of it and I am here”. Cancer is enough of a threat, why do we have to judge it in degrees of horror. No cancer is any less frightening than any other-it all sucks. And we have to remember it is a cellular problem, just nasty wayward cellular processes , nothing to do with our hearts and souls.
I am just glad to know you are fine. Don’t look at the next two years as a massive totality of horror, just see each day and each treatment as a step closer to the end. They may find you don’t need the whole three year regime anyway.
That group leader should have asked if you wanted to share and let it go at whatever you wanted to say. Even other cancer patients get nosey wanting to know the details-even if they just want to be helpful, you are a brave warrior girl, no one needs to feel sorry for you. You deserve their admiration and should feel like a trial blazer who has managed to withstand all the beast had to dole out! Still standing and sprouting hair!
Thanks for resurfacing- all will be well! Shelley
I look forward to your blog posts and I’m happy to see you are doing better. One thing, I can’t see your picture on the match.com link. I’m not a member of match but I was just hoping to see your hair!
” And I don’t want to just live, I want to be awake, to open my soul and spirit to the entirety of my life experiences, both the beautiful and the sad.” And here in lies your strength and transformation. No, you will never ever be your former self. You know too much about a thing you never wanted to know anything about [except what you learn in medical school] … you are the new strong resilient self that emerging now through the rubble that was this past year … and through whatever the next two years on your maintenance chemo brings … you will meet that because “You don’t want to just live, you want to be awake, to open your soul and spirit to the entirely of your life experiences, both the beautiful and the sad.” Much much love to you Elana!
I admire and respect the soul that is occupying your body. Thank you for writing and I want to offer you my optimism, that walked with me every day when I was experiencing breast cancer.
If the physical suffering wasn’t enough, the jealousy of others’ lives is very hard to bear. I don’t have any good suggestions for making that easier.
I keep reminding myself that this is the only life I have. Like you, I want to be fully awake. Even when I am nauseous or exhausted.
I’m pretty sure that one of my friends has a reminder in her Ipad calendar so that she remembers to send me a text or email. I don’t care what it takes for her to remember; I am so grateful.
I am SO happy to hear from you! of you ? I never know how phrase things on your blog. I really feel so connected to your story, and have so much empathy for you. I can’t imagine how hard it must have felt to see yourself through the eyes of that YMCA group. I think sometimes the most disempowering thing is pity. Not always, but sometimes. Certainly when youre geared up for confidence and progress, its not the moment you could benefit from a powerful dose of pity. It can take the wind out of your sails and I am sorry, though it seems from the tone of your post that you are mostly still confident and foward thinking even though the frustration with how long this will take is real and disheartening at best.
You are strong, capable, and have all the tools to live life with eyes open and soul stirred, it just takes time to heal, and the gap between where we are and where we want to be can be overwhelming. But it will come, I am sure of it.
Wishing you strength, healing and awakening on all levels.
Bev
hi elana,
Your writing and eloquence are an inspiration. I can’t even begin to imagine what hell you have had to endure this last year and how you’ve have managed to stay so positive and grounded. I pray that the next two years are not as rough as this last one has been! I pray that people respect all you are doing and don’t make it any harder for you! I can’t imagine all the sorry excuses I have made not to exercise. You are incredible strong and brave! Thanks for sharing all you have!!!
Emily
I facilitate two support groups each month and I want to thank you for the reminder that sometimes when someone new comes to the group, they may just want to observe and not share anything. Also, I would ask if you have found others with the same diagnosis. You might feel much more supported by those who are dealing with the same type of cancer as yourself. I hope you can focus on living your life in spite of the treatment you must undergo. After my own diagnosis, I met a woman who had many many complications from treatment which she had undergone for several years. I asked how she was able to deal with it. She said, “I don’t have time for cancer. I have a life to live.” It was the most inspiring thing anyone could have said to me at that time.
Sending you my best and thank you for sharing your story.
Robin
Hi Elana, thank you for this post. I come back to this site because your honesty pierces through me. I had several feelings reading your post. But there is nothing here I can really write. Because I do not have cancer. And I don’t know what it is like. I just feel honoured to witness your experience.
Something you wrote at the end touched me. The idea of having children at the age of 35. I am 37 years old and, while married, am struggling with the idea of having children due to my own difficult childhood. I had a miscarriage last year. And my body feels it. I have been too hard on myself in the past pressuring myself about having children. This is the time for my body to speak its mind. And right now it just wants to rest for awhile.
Take Care M
Good to hear your “voice” again. Keeping kicking ass and taking names.
elana-i echo sentiment that it is so good to hear from you; i eagerly await your updates because you have a voice i like listening to; even though you didn’t look for the job somehow you’ve been annointed to report from life’s edge. It’s not fair or just or even understandable, but i like many wait and listen for you. Continue to gain strength and treat yourself with love.
Ah Elana, what a position to be in – sit and quietly suffer or raise your voice and be considered an “ass” for speaking up and being heard. I am so sorry you had to suffer in silence – to find a restroom to cry in is simply not right. The leader should be approached in a different setting (alone, much like an employer/employee reprimand situation) and told exactly what happened. It just wasn’t right of him to put you in that position. To hell with the group; you are what matters, your feelings. Each and every person in that group is entitled to their time. And if you choose to offer nothing more than you did then that is your choice, it is your time to use how you see fit. Please go back and own that space. Go back and work on your physical health, you will feel both mentally and physically because of it. Who I am!! Preaching to the choir right – We so love your writings, your sharing, and we hurt when you hurt. Know you are loved by so many and being thought of and prayed for by so so many. Namaste
Ahh, so intrusive. Not what groups are meant to be and probably not the intentions but respecting members’ boundaries is so important. I’m learning that I prefer the term “Person living with cancer” to “survivor.” Nothing wrong with survivor – I just like the emphasis on living . . . Thank you for your courageous sharing and insight.
Great to hear from you again!
Hugs & kisses from Costa Rica!!
Pity sucks. When my sister was around 40, she shaved her head just for grins. Eight years later, she shaved her head after rounds of chemo. She said the reactions were entirely different the second time: Oh, poor girl. The other day I saw someone in a wheelchair crossing an intersection and felt my eyes do the pity thing. I was ashamed of myself.
If you and I ever meet, I hope that look never, ever passes my face. Capable, whole people do not need or deserve pity. Cancer or no cancer, you are both capable and whole.
Dear Elana, It is so good to hear that you’re doing ok, and that you’re finished with the intensive chemo. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. This journey with lymphoma is so difficult, but during those times just take it one moment at a time. When I think too much about the road ahead, it seems daunting. I try to cherish the little pleasures that come every day. Hoping that today brings you many blessings. Take good care. Jen
Ms. Miller, although I’m not a young man, I will attempt to answer your hair question. I’ve always preferred short hair, but do not have any serious aversion to long hair. I generally like the look of short hair, and as a practical matter, long hair makes my nose tickle (in close-quarters, in certain circumstances). The idea that men generally prefer long hair might be a myth put upon the public by the media. I don’t know – perhaps one day PEW will do a short hair/long hair survey.
As for making it work on your match.com profile… I suggest sticking to basics: Just be honest. It saves time and you’re more likely to find someone suited for you.
I watched your ukelele video a few weeks ago and found it quite entertaining. Though your piece lacked musical complexity, I still found it interesting and amusing. 😉
Best wishes with the treatment, achieving your goals, and getting impregnated.
Hi Elana,
It’s good to hear your voice. I wish I had something great to say that would ease your pain and help you feel the way you want to feel. I’m afraid time and putting one foot in front of the other is the way you are going to find your new, best normal. I’m wishing you the strength you need to get through the rest of the treatments as best you can. You were a force to be reckoned with before cancer and still are. Go easy on yourself and know that you have a lot of people wishing you well.
Arlette
Hi Elana, it’s so good to hear from you again. You have been on so many people’s minds and in our good thoughts, and you are missed when we don’t hear from you.
I am sorry that you had to experience the “support group” ordeal. Please don’t let other people stop you from taking care of yourself and do the things that you want to do. You are a beautiful person. You are strong and will be stronger tomorrow than you are today. You can do anything that you put your mind to. You don’t need anyone’s approval, permission or understanding. You are the only one who matters right now. You know what you need to do and you know where your boundaries are. Trust yourself, trust the process and trust your gut feelings. And for God’s sake, if you don’t like the way things are going, change them to your advantage. Screw people who don’t like it. I repeat…. right now, you are the only one that matters.
Two more years sounds like an eternity. It probably sounded like an eternity when you were in med school also, but looking back on it, do you remember how fast it went by? It may seem overwhelming to think that far into the future, so don’t. Think about 6 months from now, and if that still seems too much, think about next month or next week or even tomorrow…. but don’t stop thinking about how far you’ve come in the last year. You are amazing and can do this.
Some people say that you are an inspiration to them. I don’t want to say that. I don’t want that much pressure put on you…. don’t want you to feel you “have to be” an inspiration or anything else for that matter. I want you to feel that you are free to be whatever you want to and if some of your courage rubs off on others, well than all the better. As for being a mom at 30 something… who said you can’t do that? Who made that rule??? Have you seen some of the “Hollywood people” and their later in life pregnancies????
Elana, I (like so many others that comment on here) just want you to know that you are cared about, thought about and loved. You may not know each and everyone of us, but we are all sisters and brothers. We are all here for you. We can be your strength when you need it, we can be your laughter when you can’t find yours and we can be with you to share your joy and happiness when that happens also.
Elena,
You take one step forward each day. You take whatever positive you hear and hold onto it!
I am starting my 3rd time of chemo tomorrow for ovarian . This time it was 9 months from last chemo. That pushed me up one level away from being drug resistant. Nothing is embedded, so forward I go again. Will be checking what is happening with Israeli research! Every CANCER is different, so you do what yo need to do!
It’s great to hear from you Elana! Awesome update. Yes there’s still a mountain to climb… I guess all you can do is just keep moving. It must be surreal that all this just happened only a little over a year ago. Thanks for your story on the sharing session… I can feel your discomfort in that whole situation.
I guess men do prefer long hair, but it’s more of a subconscious thing… short hair is totally fine, worn right of course. Could say the same thing about long hair. I’ve dated and been attracted to many women with short hair… I think for most men it really holds little bearing on attraction. You can do it!
I agree with a previous comment: the person in charge of this exercise group for people with cancer or a cancer history needs to be told (privately) that a newcomer to the group may not want to immediately share his or her story. Ouch!! Perhaps this particular program may not be the best fit for you.
I am in my 60’s and had a cancer that primarily hits young adults — they would often relate how troubling it was for them to only see old people at treatment centers and in cancer support groups. I think we feel more alone in our journey when we walk into a room & don’t see anyone who looks similar to us. This is some food for thought for any of us who work in education or health fields.
I know I had to do some searching to find resources that seemed to be a good fit for me. I attended only one session of a cancer group that was too overtly religious, superstitious and right-wing for me. I am glad I went to one meeting though because it made me appreciate the more science-based and empathetic group I later found.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for writing – I am somewhat relieved. As many others, I was worried about you from a distance.
And this: “It’s hard to still be seen as “that poor girl who has cancer,” and it’s even harder to feel I am her,” is really hard. I can relate to the feeling although I don’t have cancer. I have pretty invisible but obviously unpredictable MS, which I am so very hesitant to disclose to people because of that look of pity on their faces as soon as I do.
You put it so very well, this conceit that if you identify as a sick person then somehow that would make you really sick. That “thinking and feeling it away” might make it go away. I have much fewer symptoms or pain than you and I truly admire you for wanting to not just live but be awake and open to all of life. I do too. And sometimes a little delusion can help.
Don’t worry about trying to be “normal.” If you are pursuing an awake, aware, fully realized life, that already puts you outside of the realm of “normal” in this world. Normal in this world is vedging out on the couch and telling someone on a little screen to buy a vowel. Just live, the best way you can, and to hell with “normal.”
I never cared for the “survivor” thing either. I was sick – I didn’t make it off the Titanic.
It’s a good sign you’re being a bit contrary – shows that you’ve plenty of fight.
Keep writing – always enjoy your insight(s).
All the best and warmest wishes,
J
Great to hear from you again Elana . Will be constantly sending positive vibrations from here in india . My family and i are inspired every day by your courage .
cheers
It is so wonderful to hear from you again. I too would check your blog on almost a daily basis, hoping you would post. I am sorry for the experience at YMCA, however I am joyous that you are living your life, with ups and downs, joys and disappointments. That means you are alive!!! I can’t tell you how much I enjoy your blog, how I admire your authenticity!!! You are amazing. Sending you much love!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Elana!
Roses can be red
Violets may be blue
But today your rose is white
Love that is hopeful, and new!
You put into words so eloquently in your generous and free e-book, what I feel like some people need to be educated on. Why don’t people know that I don’t want to hear about your mother’s best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who once had breast cancer ‘just like me’ (when actually their cancer was completely different but SURE just umbrella us all together – why stop there, aren’t ALL cancers the same?!) I know people are trying to help but some just make it worse, while others truly get it, they are there for you in any capacity without needing thanks and without question. Thank you for sharing YOUR STORY, it resonates with me, and you inspire me. I am 42 facing 4 rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation then reconstruction after a double mastectomy…..it’s my unique journey and while scary, it’s doable. By sharing your story, you’ve lessened my load a bit. Very grateful and I wish you all the best!
Thanks so much Becky for your comment — good luck with your upcoming treatment, and hang in there, you’ll get through it!
Great to hear from you Elana! Your attitude is so uplifting. Go girl!
When we remember that everything in life is Soul-chosen, and that there are no victims in life, only choices and learning experiences, we then know why we have chosen seemingly adverse events. In the bigger scheme of things, they shape us in many ways of which we are not always consciously aware. We create and choose everything in our reality, without exception, and that means we choose how we heal, too. If we remember that at our core, we are all God beings, God incarnate, unlimited in power and potential, we can create everything that we experience to mirror that power and strength and love within. Only the power of love heals completely. Love yourself unconditionally, and you will see your problems dissolve as what is seemingly exterior to you, is a reflection of your interior, a mirror. Elana, I wish you all the best with your healing in the future. If you keep in your heart and know that you are completely healed NOW, and not in some distant future, you will bring the power of the NOW into your present moment. The key is embodying your Truth and perfect health, and knowing you already have it. This is how we manifest, in the present, not in the future. I used this technique to heal myself 5 years ago, and have not had any issues since. I stated I was NOW healed, and then manifested in my physical life, as I brought the healing to me, with complete faith. Humanity was designed to self-heal. Remain self-empowered and know everything can be healed if you know the underlying dynamics about how energy works, and we are all just energy vibrating at certain frequencies. Raise your frequency to that of complete trust and Divine Love, and all will be well 🙂 I hope this information helps. Blessings, Debra
Umm, I hate to break it to you Debra. God is a fairytale.
Simply sending a hello and checking in to see if I missed a post. Thinking of you today!
Hi John, everyone and everything is God incarnate. There is no God entity being, that is a religious fairytale created to disempower people by instilling fear. But the Truth of everyone is , is that we all-powerful and Master Creators of our lives, God beings. “God” meaning omnipotent, multidimensional, and unlimited. Be empowered and remember who you are. You don’t need to use the word “God,” because that may invoke old erroneous religious programming, but simply know that there is no one, nor nothing that influences your life, that you did not choose nor did you create. That is how Master Creators work and how they evolve, by choice and by strength. Blessings, Debra
Wow Debra, I did not choose or create my cancer, what a load of B.S…
Great hear from you doing great, regards from Mexico 😀
Im rooting for u. U can and will get through this ok
Dr. Elana,
Three years is about right from start to finish, and if you have the appetite and desire to get back into shape, you have what you need. Thanks for sharing so honestly, and your progress is amazing.
No silver bullets, but you seem to have bullets of your own making, and that is what it takes. And your hair? They won’t be in love with your hair, but with you. Blow drying just beats up the hair you have, so maybe just a little coconut oil while it is still wet and let it dry itself?
Have been following for months. Are you going to post another ukulele video? If you want a lift, please let Roberta Peters and Steve Martin serenade you and get you in the ukulele mood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyinJyWUhas
Wishing you all good things, s
Elana, I think of you often and am sending healing thoughts to you as I type.
Hi Elana,
Just got to your website through a link on GoodlifeZen. I’m a GP, practicing family medicine in Canada, home care and palliative care. I can’t comment so much on your feelings regarding the disease, because I never had cancer, and I’ve no idea how I would react to that. But I agree, I don’t like the term cancer survivor…
Here are just a few words that come to my mind…
I remember once, one of my client to whom I announced the cancer diagnosis, replied to me: “Do you have the book -Cancer for Dummies”? I didn’t know really what to say… I just laughed with him. But no easy thoughts about the whole thing. It’s hard, plain hard, but I do believe with a strong mind, like yours, it’s possible to go through.
2 years ago, my son got very sick, and he was followed in hemato-onco. I was sitting in the waiting room, with all these little kids with no hair, playing with their parents. And one day, on the mic I heard something like: “Let’s congratulate Emmy, as she just finished her first round of chemo… Then I heard the mother, besides me saying: “Well, just 15 months left to go”.
I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, sitting and complaining (to myself) because I had to actually come here, and spend time in this children hospital, once every 3 months. I felt ashamed of myself. I stopped complaining. The fact is, if we think about it, there is always a situation that is worse than ours. I try to remember that when I don’t feel to good.
But at the same time, there is our own situation that we must go through. And thinking about others might be good for a few minutes, but it doesn’t last long. And I still didn’t find the right equilibrium between these 2 thought patterns… But you’re on your way to that.
Regarding having a baby in your late 30’s, I guess I wouldn’t say not until I’m 35, but rather simply visualize myself having a kid one day. I adopted my 14 months-old boy from Haiti at 42… There are some limits of course, but you’ve got plenty of time 🙂
See you around Elana!
Thinking of you! I have recommended your blog to friends who have been faced with serious health challenges and cancer diagnoses, and hope that they will find your companionship and openness as heartening as I have. Wishing you health, strength and powerful joy.
Hi Elana,
What will you do? you ask. You will keep hanging in there, just as you have done, with grace and courage, and when grace and courage seem too much effort, you will be human. You will cry. You will be angry. You will ask, “Why me?” and find no answer. And then you will come here, to read the comments on your blog, to take courage from others, a sort of tonglen (You know tonglen, yes?), breathing out the pain and breathing in the love. And if you are too tired to lift your eyes and read, you will know that you are still being held in loving hearts.
Years ago I suffered from horrible, horrible itching. It took a couple of years and a lot of drugs to overcome the worst of it. There were days when I wondered how I would get through it, if I could bear it, and if so, how much longer, but I did get through it. Mostly it is just an uncomfortable memory. And you will get through your chemo, and one day, it too, will be just an uncomfortable memory.
Be strong (except when you need to just let it all hang out 😉
Gina
Hi Elana,
I used your advice for 4th year medical students going into psychiatry throughout my interview trail. Thank you so much for your outstanding advice! And thank you for sharing your ongoing experiences with us! You are making the world a richer place. (By the way I’m also very into blending mindfulness and psychiatry, which is how I found your website in the first place.) Your online presence is truly awesome. Thank you!
Many of us have experienced that crossroads, and we are glad to have you join us on the path of “truth”. It’s sadder, angrier, and harsher than the path of “happy no matter what” on the left. But it’s real, and those who are on this side of the crossroads know that life is full of mean surprises just as much as wonderful ones. We never know what’s around the corner, so we just hold hands to support each other on the way.
oops I confused your paths, which was the left and which was the right.
Anyway I think/hope you got the point.
Hi Elana,
My thoughts are with you. I hope you are getting stronger and feeling better. I’m looking forward to your next post.
Suzanne
So glad to see you are at a good moment in your life! I think of you every day and pray that God helps you through your journey! Love your posts! You have been an inspiration to me as I was diagnosed with rectal cancer Sept 2013 – it remains very challenging to say the least. I walked with you as we trekked along our crazy paths. You are an inspiration! Thank you! All the best! Cant wait to read your next post Take care and God Bless xxxooo
Greetings Elena….sending you a springtime hello and hoping you are enjoying some warm sunshine today .. Thinking of you .
Dear Elana,
Just popping by to wish you well and hopefully put a smile on your face, know there are people out here rooting for you!
All the best,
Nadia 🙂
Hey Elana!
What’s new, Magoo? I might not pester you often, but I’m always sending positive energy your way. Your “Sponge Bob Square Pants” figure and “cotton-puff” hair comments: I see you still have your goofball, self-deprecating sense of humor! I hope your good spirits and healing body are holding up comfortably during this maintenance period. How’s your quirky hairdo lookin’ these days?!
Good fortune to you, my dear,
Melanie
Hi Elana
Thinking of you!! Haven’t heard from you in a while and hope you’re OK
Yeah YOU! So very glad to hear how well you are doing! Continued good health and happiness to you. Best always, Ellen
Hi & Just Missing your posts & wishin u would write some words 2 read…sending Big Warm Healing {{{{HUGS}}}} from your friend on the Farm,
Deb,
Namaste’
<3
Elena, You haven’t posted in a while. Just to let you know I think of you often.
Namaste.
Hi Elana again & Here’s A Crazy metaphor You are the Sun & we (your Fans Posse Well Wishers) etc…are , The Planets Asteroids Meteorites Stars Etc…orbiting you with our Love. & your Wonderful Personality works like gravity to pull us all in, for a Sweet skinny girl you sure are well loved & respected by the masses who patiently await your next post. & big ((((HUGS))))
Deb on the farm in southern mo.
🙂