Hi readers!
If you follow my Twitter you might have seen that sadly I ended up not going to my conference in Portland the other weekend. I was so looking forward to the trip, but had been feeling under the weather and decided I needed to preserve my energy for everything I had coming up this week (starting back at work, moving, etc.).
I was disappointed, but with my limited energy, and you know, being a human being with human limitations, these are the types of decisions I have to make. Onwards and upwards! I will be able to watch the presentations online, and there is always next year.
***
With warp speed, my life has resumed. I’m back at residency a few days a week. I just moved into a new apartment. I go for walks along the bluffs in Santa Monica, play with my new puppy (see below), and spend time with friends. I’m starting to date again.
(On that note, my mom called me last night and told me in a dead serious voice that she knows the perfect man for me, and that man is Jake Gyllenhaal. Her reasoning: “I saw him on Jon Stewart and he’s only 34, and he’s Jewish but he’s interested in Buddhism and mindfulness, so I think you would have a lot in common.” She then added, “I think he’s looking for a relationship.” By all means mom, if you can hook that up, please do).
Last year, when I left LA, I had to do so abruptly because I was left suddenly with nowhere to live. I threw most of my belongings into a storage unit because I didn’t have the time or energy to do much else. Last week I hired movers to bring everything from storage to my new apartment, and found, unsurprisingly perhaps, that after a year of not seeing many of my things, I’m no longer so attached to them.
I was unpacking my old bedding when I picked out of the sheets and comforter a single long, brown, wavy hair. I wondered for a moment, Whose hair is this? It was certainly too long to be mine—my hair is growing fast, but, at a few inches long, is years away from sweeping down my back the way it did before I started chemotherapy. Was it a friend’s? My mom’s?
It had been so long since I had seen myself with long hair that I forgot for a moment it was mine.
Once I remembered, it was unmistakable. The deep brown color with golden highlights from hours spent in the sun and surf; the soft, winding waves. When I pulled it between my hands it reached from my fingertips to the curve in my arm.
That was a long time ago. Time moves so fast. So be good to each other, help a stranger, love fully and deeply, because nothing matters as much as love. Learn what your core values are and stick by them, even when you’re pressured not to. Don’t be afraid of people who don’t know how to handle their own pain and so project it onto you (after facing Stage IV cancer, I’ve found the only thing worth fearing is not getting to live anymore). And on that note, people do the best they can with the hand they were dealt. Show compassion. Show them the world is a better place than they think it is.
Times always moves forward. It goes on, and on.
December 15, 2013:
July 18, 2015:
A Quick Note: I have gotten a lot of emails recently about patients wanting to work with me; I haven’t yet started my private practice, and I have to be cautious about not taking on more than I can handle and also be ethical in how I practice. That being said, while I hadn’t planned on working with anyone through the blog until next year, I feel called to help where my experience and knowledge would allow me do so, and I would like to start offering coaching services and classes through zenpsychiatry.com sooner rather than later. If this is something you’d be interested in, please let me know. If you’ve already emailed me, give me a few weeks and I will get back to you. Thank you!
Elana!!!! wow, it’s great to hear from you, and seeing your beautiful face…healthy and happy.
Elana, you make my “woe is me” run for the hills…you inspire me to be and do better.
I love you and will keep you in my prayers, please don’t wait so long to write again and update on your exciting plans.
Peace,
Patti
Elana,
I am so so happy to read that you are doing well and looking well. All the best with your residency and new apartment. I’ll keep praying for strength for you to keep pushing forward and for you to be fully healed. You are one very resilient and inspiring woman. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Xoxo,
Nana Adjoa
Look at you girl! God only knows you walked through the fire but you are still strong, resilient and looking ahead. You are wise to take it easy and not stress your immune system. I try to keep myself in a parasympathetic state as much as possible. After my diagnosis with breast cancer and participation in a clinical trial for a vaccine for DCIS/Her2/neu+ (my experience was a walk in the park compared to yours), I decided to go back to school for MSW so that I can work with oncology patients. God only knows there are huge gaps in psychosocial care of oncology patients. You are well and we are all smiling and so happy for you! Yes, the world goes on and on and we are all blessed to be spinning around on it! Shelley Dodt
Shelley, what is MSW?
Master’s in Social Work.
Precious puppy for a precious woman.
Jumping back in to life full throttle – I’m so happy you are able to forge ahead. It is so inspiring and has to be very exciting for you. SO good you have the self-care wisdom to know when to stop, by not going on your trip.
Blessings to you for an easy move into your new home and transition into work.
Cheryl
I’m so glad that you’re starting to return to a normal life again! I hope that all goes well. Thank you for sharing your journey. Lots of blessings to you!
Thanks for the post, Elana.
I love this: ” be good to each other, help a stranger, love fully and deeply, because nothing matters as much as love. Learn what your core values are and stick by them, even when you’re pressured not to.”
That’s really, really wonderful.
I’m glad you’re back — your words are a happy presence in my life!
Though you look lovely in both the “then” and “now” pictures, there’s a radiance and inner beauty that just shines out of the present photo. The soul lessons from the inner journey you have taken (that you wrote about in the last post) are quite evident in your eyes. Absolutely beautiful!
Yea Elana!
You made it through the rabbit hole. I love your new little cuddle bug, Jemima. Walking your dog is a wonderful way to meet new friends. Hmmm, take a stroll through adorable Jake Gyllenhall’s neighborhood! It must feel so good to be working in the hospital again, interacting with all of those intelligent and interesting medical folks.
Keep us updated on your progress!
Melanie
https://video.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xat1/v/t43.1792-2/11390692_10153427143974030_1040206984_n.mp4?efg=eyJybHIiOjE1MDAsInJsYSI6MTAyNH0%3D&rl=1500&vabr=655&oh=0ac50a0d3b64165c0a0f476a53cdd245&oe=55B2E42D
Ha ha! Your Mom has good taste. Swoon.
Take care,
Melanie
Hello!
I’ve been following your blog for a long time, and am so very happy to see that things are getting better for you! You look just beautiful!
This past January we had our “holy shit-I’ve got cancer!” moment when my sweet husband of 32 years was diagnosed with stage 4, inoperable neuroendocrine pancreatic cancer. He is a psychotherapist who works with teens and families, and along with his private practice he worked in a high school for 27 years. The first thing he did was retire from the school, suspend his private practice (not easy, but thanks to great friends, it had to be done), and we took our 3 adult kids to Captiva Island for a week so we could all be together and process this. Then he and I took our “retirement trip” (a little earlier than planned) and went to Ireland for 10 days. Then when we returned we got down to the business if fighting this bastard.
You have been an inspiration to us-that there is always hope, and we are hoping that Mark will be in that small percent of stage 4 survivors. We are holding you in our hearts?
Dearest Elana,
You are a beautiful person, Inside and outside. You are caring, loving and so generous. You are a true exceptional human being and I am totally sincere.
After all this awful period of your life, all these terrible circumstances you had to face, you still go on calling for love and compassion.
May your example guide me through rough times because you are so inspirational. You probably do not realise that you are a guiding light for others, at least for me. Thank you for being such an authentic and generous person.
All my best to you,
Helene (from Paris)
WoW Elana * Great Post & So glad U are accepting New Patients Via This Blog…Where do I Sign up? I have not seen a psychiatrist for many years & miss the Therapy. Great News all Around & You Look Splendid * sending Love & Big {{{{HUGS}}}} Namaste’
Deb in Mo. >^..^<
Yes!!!!!!! To life and to everything you said.
Just make sure to keep the ukulele, buddy!